CAN THE MUSIC SAVE YOUR MORTAL SOUL?

Whoever invented apple juice sucks. I drank a whole friggin' glass and now I'm thirsty. Wasn't thirty before. Just wanted some apple juice. Johnny Appleseed blows.

Another food wonder: Why is it that sausages come in packages of six and the buns in packages of eight? It's a fucking conspiracy. I refuse to buy more sausages until the last two buns are stale and green and I have to throw them away. Assholes. Just give me two more sausages or two less buns. Preferably two more sausages.

You may want to close your eyes for this next one. The new band Chickenfoot are comparing themselves to Led Zeppelin. Really? Led Zep has more legendary singles than these fuckers have fans. Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying me some Chickenfoot. But ease on the Led Zep comparisons. They're just setting themselves up for failure on that one.

"Living Loving Maid" is my Led Zep song of the week. It's hot shit.

And fuck Transformers. It's retarded. It's like Power Rangers for grown ups. But as long as we're on this topic. I want to make sure I put it out there that Kimberly the Pink Power Ranger was my childhood soulmate. Until the Green Ranger showed up. Cock blockin' prick.

Speaking of pricks, who even likes this Perez Hilton guy? I mean who the fuck is he anyway? Bring back any of the celebs that have died in the past week and take that fucker away. Please? I honestly haven't met a single person who has said, "You know, I kinda like that Perez Hilton guy." And they're lucky cause they might end up on the floor with or without a full set of teeth.

And in no way am I condoning violence. I'm just saying. If there's a final war between good and Perez Hilton, y'all know which side I'm on.

Anyway, more on food. I just ate half a bagel with fat free cream cheese. Only problem is the fat free has an anti-taste good problem. It's gross. Like eating soggy plastic.

Here's a thank you to all the dumbasses out there who don't know that taking more than the doctor recommended dose of Nyquil may cause liver failure. It could be pulled from the market soon thanks to you. I like how we are possibly living to see the day when you can buy cigarettes, guns, Craigslist prostitutes, and all sorts of other shit, but you can't buy medicine that will help your ass sleep when you have a fever.

This one is one of my favorite news stories of the week. That South Carolina governor went to Jesus boot camp after his affair. No shit. His "spiritual adviser" (which I don't understand why people need someone else to tell them what they believe) pretty much blamed his affair with Argentine reporter Maria Capur on "the Darkness."

I wish I could use that one if I did something stupid. Sorry I robbed that bank, the Darkness made me do it. Can I keep the money?

Labels: Charlie Daniels Band - Devil Went Down to Georgia, Led Zeppelin - Living Loving Maid (She's Just A Woman)

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